Four Seats

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I don't know why I was put in charge of rearranging the furniture. I didn't live in the house. I only visited on occasion. Then Ol' George up and croaks and all hell breaks loose. And Mama Nelly tells me to move the furniture around because she doesn't like the way it currently sits in the living room.

I started with the dusty, faded-blue love seat, with a print dating back to the mid-80's. This thing has seen way better days. It's sturdy enough, which I quickly discover in my lack of strength in moving it. Too many asses have seen the cushions. Most memorable are Cousin Todd's and Great-Aunt Sally's. Easily four-hundred pounds between the two of them. The love-seat felt like I was moving them with it. Half-way across the living room from one wall to another.

I gasped at the sight of the black leather sectional sofa. Mama Nelly wanted that moved from one corner of the room to the opposite corner of the room. I slowly wriggled it away from the corner and imagined all that had occurred on it over the years. I remember vomiting on it many times after a long night of partying. My sister Eunice's water broke twice on the cushions and I laughed at the memory of Mama Nelly catching Cousin Winston making out with his boyfriend Pucka late one Saturday night. Nearly killed them both right then and there! Such fun times had been had on this sofa. Too bad it wasn't so much fun moving the damn thing.

Once I got it moved to the opposite corner, I glanced around. Two more seats to go.

Next up was what Mama Nelly called "Big Bertha". Her beige Logan chaise lounger. Oh Mother of God. Designed to fit the body of an elephant, it suited Mama Nelly just fine. She wanted this monstrosity moved from where it sat against the wall over next to the sectional. No easy feat but I still accomplished it without breaking a sweat. Which is more than I could say for Mama Nelly and her grotesque, sweaty body.

Finally I was faced with Ol' George's plush hunter green La-Z-Boy recliner rocker. Shit, the geezer passed away in it and now I had to move it? I pictured Ol' George's bony butt trying to snuggle deep into the interior as I huffed and puffed my way into the center of the room with it. Mama Nelly said the center was a good place for it 'cause she felt that's where Ol' George had really belonged. In the center.

With a final huff I plopped down into the rocker only to have a spring reach up and stab me in the ass.

No wonder Ol' George croaked.

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