Part 1

                                    

                                              


                          
There were only white mountains everywhere. Suddenly she realised that she was walking. To her left and right, mountain peaks rose, so high that it was hard to see their tops – white was stretching as far as one could see.
                          
Was it decided when we were born that our bodies, as if endowed with will, would keep on going ahead?

                          
Under her bare feet the same white colour spread, as a carpet. Every time she walked, her body hurt, as if it were squeaking. As her muscles moved, the skin of her feet tensed. Her breath mixed with grunts. Nevertheless, she kept on walking.
                          
There was a tree. Or should we say something resembling a tree, which did not bear leaves, nor buds, nor flowers. And maybe even no roots. It was a trunk-being. No, it was a being whose existence was weakening. It did not harbour colours. Suddenly, she remembered how trees would show they existed as if dancing, and with their strong vivid colours. This is how things are – there is an overflowing life inside trees. At that moment, a strong memory came back to her.
                          
"I am dead. "
                          
Even though she knew it, her feet could not help but go ahead. Her breath and smothered grunts had stopped, without she noticed it.
                          
Pain had also lightened.
                          
"Maybe it is because of..." she thought.
                          
"Pain will probably disappear if I keep on walking." She then endeavoured to remember why she had died. Halfway through her thinking, she found the reason: "I might be, no, I am the first God who died in this world."
                          
She then felt pitiful for herself, and embarrassment struck her. How could one think a God could die so deplorably. She remembered the Gods of the celestial kingdom. Those venerable Gods were for sure in good health, even though she was not there anymore.
                          
"I was thus the first God who had passed away. "
                          
Feeling awfully sad, she remembered her husband, Izanagi. There were only the two of them upon Earth, where things did not hold shapes, such as some kind of mud or water, but nothing that could be considered alive. Then, they gave birth to the world.
                          
At that moment, a "Aaah" could be heard, a sigh which could not be qualified as a grunt.
                          
After bearing numerous Gods, and after nature in this world had enriched, we bore a new child. He was supposed to become a new kind of blessing. But he was fire itself – I had not noticed it when I bore him, but when he came to life, he was burning with high flames.
                          
Was he fine now? Who was taking care of him, despite the fire covering him? How will he grow up? Was he born smoothly? I may have not been able to give him life well in the first place.
                          
She collected herself.
                          
She felt small tremors under her feet – there was a huge mass standing before her. As she got closer to it, she noticed a cave as tall as her. She heard a big noise coming from the inside as she was about to leave it behind her, a noise so big that it could trigger tremors. Air seemed as if sucked inside, but as soon as she went past it, the noise ceased, and only the vibrations under the feet remained.
                          
What looked like trees had not flinched. We should not mention it anymore.
                          
She then drew closer to a shadow.
                          
"Was I going to transform as well"
                          
I am this God who died in the blink of an eye, this God who died despite their status. I found mysterious, frightening that I could die, but I wanted to prevent my memories from disappearing. Oh
                          
my dearly beloved one.
                          
He had been with me since the beginning, when I started to exist upon the celestial kingdom. But
                          
also when I felt puzzled about going down on Earth and when I finally did. And again, every morning, afternoon, night, and when we created this world. We held our hands, laughed together and bore children.
                          
She slowly gathered her memories. There might have been another way to follow. However, even if she had found it, she would not come back to life, but still wanted to find it – that way where she would certainly have lived – this life free of death. If she knew the direction, maybe could she find
                          
her redemption there.
                          
"I somehow knew where my body was moving – the kingdom of the dead, the afterlife."
                          
Yet, even though she had tried to recollect her memories, there was no other way existing in her past. "Did I have to think about it many times, I had descended from the celestial kingdom, and had borne the world. Even if my son was the God of fire, he remained the child I had had with my most beloved one. I had chosen to bear him, probably as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Of course, my choice would have been easier without Izanagi. I would never have descended to the Earth, but I would have dwelt in the celestial kingdom, where I would probably still be dancing and singing. " "So..." she smiled, as if resolute. "I am the only one dead here now. You are thus the one crying on Earth, Izanagi. Things cannot be changed."
                          
If I could not have chosen someone else, there was no other way from the beginning. Things were easier knowing that. I am the one who died. The one who loves you, Izanagi; I am your love, Izanagi; you are the one crying; you are the one who loves me, Izanagi; I am the one who loves you, Izanagi. You are crying and, here I am, dead.
                          
Izanagi, do not hate our son. I am powerless now, but here is a last thing for you. I hope it will not be unhappiness. If it were possible, I want it to be something beautiful. Still, Izanagi, how beautiful the world is. I might not be there, but the world we created still exists. You are there, there is love, and there is life.
                          
I beg you, keep on loving this world we loved together.