CHAPTER ONE
ANASTASIA.
as I exited the apartment lobby, the wind sighed breathing my hair away from my face.
i walked along the busy road of new york, hoping for no traffic.
I hadn't anticipated work as I did weeks ago. the holiday season passed (obviously being the best time of the year for the toyshop) and the store was quiet.
well during my shift, it wasn't completely empty. of course people did come in & out. mostly, it was adults with toddlers stuck to their leg who were persistent for a specific item.
"you can take a break early, if you'd like" my boss' head popped out through her office door. I most definitely knew I couldn't resist. melinda would push me out the door herself.
"i know this is quite pointless but, I really don't mind staying. i'm not in the mood for a break?" the words slipped out my mouth as a question than more of a statement.
"okay how bout you take the day off? stasia, today will definitely will be quiet. besides, river is coming in about an hour. forgot so soon?" she asked followed by a chuckle.
in that case, I didn't necessarily want to take the day off. I wanted to see river, even though I did all the time.
"well, what time does river have his break today?" i asked, heading towards melinda to retrieve my things.
"um, his break is at 2pm. of course, i'll see you by then. take care, and if you see your mum send her all my love"
"i will. thank you melinda. and tell river i'll be stopping by on his lunch" i say giving her a quick hug, before leaving the shop.
going to visit my mother didn't seem as a bad idea at all. i would be with river tonight anyways, so i should use this time to see her if i don't get another chance.
I quickly regretted choosing taxi as my form of transportation. the traffic on centre st. was hectic.
though it took long, the traffic did clear up. (after my driver honked at other people many times, of course)
once we finally reached there, I handed the driver the money then entered the building.
the usual feeling of sadness clouded around me as I walked through the plain white walls of the hospital.
there should be gratitude if you managed to feel happy when entering this building. unless walking in with good news, sorrow would embrace you.
but really, who could feel happy in a hospital? for instance, if you were visiting someone in their best state, that happiness wouldn't remain once you realize how unhappy everyone else is.
it hurts me actually. I hate the joy that invades once the news of progression is stated. when I look around and see everyone else suffering, it hurts.
"anastasia! I picked up your usual at dunkin. you want?" any feeling of appetite washed completely off from my tongue and I felt so dull.
"no thank you gladis. you know where to find me" I stated simply leaving, before she could push on whether I was okay.
dr. silvia towered over my mother's body as she evaluated her, while my mom slept.
"hey dr, how's it going?" I asked with a hint of optimism found in my voice, moving closer to mother in her bed.
"I'm great, but most importantly it matters how your mom is. there's still a bit of hope to cling on to. don't loose it yet" she rubbed my shoulder quickly before proceeding out the room.
before I could respond, she was out the room leaving just myself, and my birth giver.
she laid asleep peacefully. it seemed like forever since I heard her speak. though, her comfort was my top priority.
I adjusted myself in the pull out bed in my mother's room, dropping my bag and adjusting myself. I'd rest just the sad as her.
sleep did seem like the best thing. of course I had no control of my dreams, I prayed that my mind would wander to a place where my mother was healthy.
+++
"wake up sleepy head" a voice instantly shook me from my sleep.
being a light sleeper, definitely has it cons but it comes in handy when I wake up to hear my mother muttering things.
"river" I stated simply rubbing my eyes, pushing myself up from the bed to face him properly.
"you were out for a long time" he said rubbing my shoulder, bringing a cup of water to many face with his free hand.
"hmm thank you" I hummed. "t'was a good nap. and don't you have work, what are you doing here?"
"when you didn't answer my texts I knew you were sleeping. I already finished, stas"
I collected myself, stood up and placed on my shoes.
"we're going home" river pulled on my arm for him to follow him.
"wait hold on, lemme kiss my mom before I go" of course it was silly, but I always felt the need to do it each time I came and left the hospital.
"right, im sorry love. go on" he left the room, I assumed to give me space as I gave her my usual goodbye.
"love you mom, see you soon" her cold skin were felt upon my finger tips. she felt lifeless, but I knew I couldn't think that way.
"ready?" the brunette hair boy asked me as I shut the door lightly.
"uh yes" my voice was shaky, as it always was.
I always pondered whether the next see you soon would be if she lived to see tomorrow, or where we go after death.
"it's okay, I'm here" as he always did, he gave me that reassuring squeeze.
"I know. you always are" I smiled up at him, his arm snaking around my neck, holding me tight as we walked together.
the drive to our apart-- well his apartment, was quite quick.
when entering his home, the first thing I did was march to the bedroom.
a large grey pair of sweats, and a small wife-beater that I practically owned, slid over my body.
